The truth is.

With all this "truth is..." nonsense going around, I gave it a thought, and I know what my truth is.

The truth is... if I was given two choices: to die a painless death or to continue living as I am supposed to, I'd probably choose a painless death.

I've talked to G about this numerous times and he says I'm a weak person. And I can't disagree with that. In fact, I agree with that more than anything. I'm such a weak person. I have goals and dreams that I want to accomplish but that is really not something that stops me from wanting to die.

If I had the option to, I'd choose to stop living. I remember telling M about it and he was shocked to hear such a thought even cross my mind... but frankly he doesn't know that it's not just a thought that simply crosses my mind. It's a thought that haunts me. In the back of my head, even on a day where the sun is shining brighter than anything, it's there. No matter how amazing things are, there is never a solid reason for me to live. Not solid enough for me to escape the thought of dying, at least.

I don't know. I'm afraid to tell people. They'll think I'm weak... or seeking attention... or just dumb.

I don't know x2. I have to admit that when I'm talking to others, I'm extremely positive. I tell others I live by the "everything happens for a reason" rule. Which, in most cases, I do. It's not that I need to die... but given the opportunity, I'd probably take it.

I'm pathetic.

I know what I want.

I know where I wanna go and what I wanna do, but right now, getting there seems to be taking forever. That's all. Patience isn't a strong point.

These are the nights...

You know, the nights where I doubt myself, my decisions, my life, my existence... et cetera.

For God's sake.

Stop putting words in my mouth.

Mmm.. on another note, I am quite enjoying the beginning of this year. Life has never been better, or so I feel haha. I don't feel worried about my future at all because I just gotta know that when it happens, it happens. Whatever is meant for me will eventually fall into place.

I loved Almost Famous. It's all happening! Yeah, living in the moment and not in the past nor the future is terrific for my soul~