Competition

Sometimes, I question whether or not life is just a big.. contest. In the real world, isn't it all just about who's the best? Who's got the money? Who's got the best lover? Who's got the great job, the great family, the great life?

And we compare. We compare a lot.
We say we're not pretty enough, not smart enough, not good enough.
Or not pretty as them, not smart as them, not good as they are.
We seem to strive from our flaws. Others, not as much, but we know they exist.

And then others.. they critique you. On your personality. On your looks.

But they should know they have flaws themselves. So why do they point on your flaws?

I think this only makes sense in my head, but it seems to me, we all strive from our flaws. Regardless of who points out these flaws, one way or another, there is someone always critiquing us. Whether it's you, or me, your parents, your friends, that stranger... they've always got something to say.

And then we take it to heart.

And then we just wanna change so we meet up with expectations.

(re)connect

I love it when I can talk to someone I haven't in ages about my real feelings, my real thoughts.
I love it when we get so deep into our conversation that the time we've spent talking is no longer a factor.
I love it when we jump from one topic to another, some that don't even really have a connection, but somehow the whole conversation is still in one piece.

I love it especially when it's with someone new. Because I just feel like I made a new friend who I share great connections with. Hurrah. Christmas.

A little bit of truth.

It's in the midst of anger that you always pull words out from deep within your thoughts into reality through your voice. Always. And whether or not you genuinely mean what you spoke is a trivial matter.

The truth of the matter is, it has been spoken.

An ounce of truth always exists in what we say.. perhaps even if it's out of spite, you did think what you did say that very moment.

Of course, reacting on emotion is a totally separate issue.

But I'm just not fond of the excuses we use. "I was angry. I don't know what I said."
Of course. Now that you're thinking rationally, you have not a clue why those thoughts even crossed your mind (or maybe you did). But when you were becoming irrational, letting the emotion, the anger take over your soul, your true thoughts and colors were flying left and right.

I love you. I really do. And I occasionally say I hate you when you make me feel like shit, when you make me more angry than I ever thought I could be. Because in that very moment I say or think it, it's true. I probably hate you so much in that mere 2 seconds with so much immeasurable passion. But that hate doesn't last forever. It probably doesn't even survive past a minute.

Perhaps not everything we say out of anger is always 100% based off of truth.. but I think somewhere in there, there's a little bit of truth.

Starting out is always the hardest part.

Maybe.. maybe not all the time. Who knows?

Anyhow, I've decided to start a blogspot for all my personal reasons.
First, I can barely customize soup.io. Also, I feel like I'm unwelcomed on LJ, even though I really like the interface of that. I think of tumblr as a mere social networking site, rather than an actual blog. This is like an LJ, sort of, seeing as how I am liking the interface so far and I can customize my layout. I can also follow people! Sweetness.

As for what I'll write.. I guess I'll find out sooner or later. I need to write more. I really do.