And alladat.

"What makes you have confidence that he won't?" was what she said to me.

I hung out with JJ today and since we haven't seen each other in ages, we spent a lot of it talking. I told her about what has happened recently or semi-recently that I haven't told her. So I talked to her about how he moved to Cali and I was ranting and stuffs about what was bugging me about our relationship and then she asked me that question.

It was about cheating. This had never ever occurred to me whatsoever despite our frequent fights. It seems I have so much faith in him, that thinking about cheating was like.. him doing something that seemed so impossible.

I don't know. I guess, at that moment, I became aware that it could happen. And I know what a damn good liar he is. Especially when it comes to things he knows will hurt me, he can and will wait. I should trust him more though, that boy. Even though I do trust him, that whole possibility of it happening.. it's always there. Always existing.

On a very ironic note, today I saw JJ's brother too after like, what, 3-4 years? I remember when he was a junior in High School and I was like in.. 8th grade. I don't remember him being so damn good looking LOL. Apparently he's in the marines and is only back temporarily. :( How sad. He kept calling me cute and stuff. And I hated it because he was unintentionally making me feel all funny on the inside. I DO NOT LIKE THAT. NONONONONONO. Go away, feeling, go away. He knows I have a guy D: But he still does it anyway. Gaaaaaaahhhhhhhh.
I'd hate it if I ever thought about this happening to him. That he was feeling these funny but good feelings in his tummy because of another girl.

I wish I could manually steer my feelings, like a car. I don't like how I can't control what I feel, sometimes.